Happiness is in the Pursuit of Happiness

“The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand
as in what direction we are moving.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I always thought happiness was a destination, that once reached life would be immediately better. That perhaps after reaching a goal ______[weight, making a certain amount of money, finishing school, buying that new tech piece, clothing item, vacation] that would be it, I would have finally achieved happiness, life would be perfect and smooth sailing. How I ever came to that conclusion, I don't know. No one has ever explicitly explained it to me.

In the past, during those pursuits of said goals ______ [weight, getting a job, finishing school, buying that  new tech piece, clothing item, vacation] I focused SOLELY on just reaching that destination at whatever mental, physical, spiritual cost that came along. Once I achieved that goal, guess what? I felt EXACTLY the same as I did as before.  The only thing I really felt was surprised, unfulfilled, and all I could think of to myself was "is that it? thats what I worked for? And I don't feel any different.. any happier?"

What happiness is not: 

• It isn't about the acquisition of material possessions or monetary wealth (as media and businesses would have you believe).
  
  One pervasive example of the effect of money on happiness - lottery winners have an elevated level of happiness that lasts about two weeks before that level goes back to what it was before they ever won the money. Although that amount of money makes life considerably easier in terms of living expenses, they are still the same people, with the issues and self-limiting beliefs.

Jack of all trades, master of none

It takes me an hour to commute to work from home on the train; and during that time I bring my laptop with me and work on a couple of things: whether its working on extra-curriculars, listening to podcasts or music, or taking a course.

I've started with this simple 10 day online course that is to help jump start habits. The three habits I chose to work on were:

1. Cooking healthy homemade meals daily. 
2. Keeping my home organized.
3. Exercising daily. 

I know I could have chosen more worthy goals to try (e.g. "become a better person" or "volunteer more time to charitable causes"), but to be honest, these really simple everyday tasks are habits I really do struggle to find time to do consistently. I felt like if I can focus on getting these down, I could focus on bigger and better things. 

I realized the three goals I outlined were actually a bigger problem of managing my time.  I often feel I'm flying by the seat of my pants and getting to cooking healthy, keeping my place clean and exercising daily become impossible as well as juggling all the activities and side projects I take on. It's too much, and after some reflection following a burnout earlier this year, I decided that enough was enough.

A couple of mindsets holding me back:

"Being a 'yes' person": I said "yes" to a lot of things because I was afraid of missing out. Missing out on social opportunities, missing out on new experiences. Another thing is also the guilt associated with saying "no" to people. I know I certainly get peer pressured into a lot of things: taking up an activity, staying out late, changing my schedule to accommodate others. And yeah, it sucks to say 'no' to people, I hate the idea of disappointing people that are close or important to me. However, doing this more often is perhaps one of the best things I've done. And the people I've said "no" to on occasion; they've stuck around :)

Jack of all trades, master of none - High performers generally choose one or two things to focus on, and do so with deep focus. If I ever wanted to get good at anything, I can't do that while juggling 4 or 5 other activities.

My Pain Points

“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

(via weheartit)

Happy Mother's Day

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." ― Washington Irving

Building up Resilience

{via}

"It is not possible to change anything until you understand the substance you wish to change.” 

― Jeanette Winterson

My last few meet-ups with good friends has been enlightening on a few fronts. I love having deep conversations and there were a lot of interesting topics that came up. Specifically, a friend had taken up training for a marathon in the past year. He mentioned that although physical conditioning required persistent practice, it was the mental limitations that he found difficult to overcome (which usually occurred after 15 km).

A New Outlook

I was reading through "Awaken the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins on my Amazon Kindle. I completed an exercise called "Building your Identity" where you list characteristics you wish to possess, examples of individuals who exemplify those characteristics, and what you practical steps and activities you would have to do and experiences you'd have to have in order to achieve those characteristics.

There were a couple of things on my (not so exhaustive list). I've gone from conservative, sheltered, geeky high school girl, to a 20-something trying to find my own way.

Things on my wish list of characteristics include:

• being healthier physically and emotionally
• be beautiful inside and out
• being more adventurous
• having more energy and vitality
• travel
• being savvy with homemaking (cooking, home organization, home decor, etc.)

There are many people both in my personal and professional life, as well as more well known individuals who exemplify these different characteristics. 

I hope to use this blog as a tool to achieving my different goals and chronicle my journey.